Bawstin
January 17, 2008
My mom forwarded me this spam. I nevah get ti-ed of these heah…
Information on Boston and the surrounding area:
There’s no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street. Back Bay streets are in alphabetical “oddah”: ! Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc. If the streets are named after trees ( e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you’re on Beacon Hill. If they’re named after poets, you’re in Wellesley.
Massachusetts Ave is Mass Ave; Commonwealth Ave is Comm Ave; South Boston is Southie. The South End is the South End. East Boston is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End… The West End and Scollay Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night. Roxbury is The Burry, Jamaica Plain is J.P.
Route 128 is also I-95 south. It’s also I-93 north. Most people live here all their life and still don’t know what the hell is going on with this one.
How to say these Massachusetts city names correctly:
**Say it wrong, be shunned**
Worcester: Wuhsta (or Wistah)
Gloucester: Glawsta
Leicester: Lesta
Woburn: Wooban
Dedham : Dead-um
Revere: Re-vee-ah
Quincy: Quinzee
Tewksbury: Tooks berry
Leominster: Lemin-sta
Peabody: Pee-ba-dee
Waltham: Walth-ham
Chatham: Chaddum
Samoset: Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set but nevah Summerset!
Definitions:
Frappes have ice cream, milkshakes don’t.
If it is fizzy and flavored, it’s tonic.
Soda is CLUB SODA.
“Pop” is Dad.
When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for Tonic WATER.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid more than $6/pound, you got scrod.
It’s not a water fountain; it’s a bubblah.
It’s not a trashcan; it’s a barrel.
It’s not a spucky, a hero or grinder,… it’s a sub.
It’s not a shopping cart; it’s a carriage.
It’s not a purse; it’s a pockabook.
They’re not franks; they’re haht dahgs; Franks are money in Switzahland.
Police don’t drive patrol units or black and whites they drive a “crooza”. If you take the bus, your on the “looza crooza”. It’s not a rubber band, it’s a n elastic. It’s not a traffic circle, it’s a rotary. “Going to the islands” means Martha’s Vineyard & Nantucket.
The Sox = The Red Sox
The C’s = The Celtics
The B’s = The Bruins
Things not to do:
Don’t pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd .. they’ll tow it to Meffa (Medford) or Summahville (Somerville).
Don’t sleep on the Common. (Boston Common)
Don’t wear Orange in Southie on St. Patrick’s Day.
Things you should know:
There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two Hancock buildings (one old, one new for each).
The colored lights on top the old Hancock tell the weatha’:
“Solid blue, clear view….”
“Flashing blue, clouds due….”
“Solid red, rain ahead….”
“Flashing red, snow instead….” – (except in summer; flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out)
The underground train is not a subway. It’s the “T”, and it doesn’t run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain’t Noo Yawk).
Order the “cold tea” in China Town after 2:00 am you’ll get a kettle full of beer.
Bostonians…. think that it’s their God-given right to cut off someone in traffic.
Bostonians…think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R’s – except in “idea” ).
Bostonians…think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.
Bostonians…refer to six inches of snow as a “dusting.”
Bostonians…always “bang a left” as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
Bostonians…believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
Bostonians…think that 63-degree ocean water is warm.
Bostonians…think Rhode Island accents are annoying.
January 19, 2008 at 10:50 am
‘pockabook’…i always say that. they left out jimmies, not sprinkles.
January 20, 2008 at 12:08 am
Yes jimmies! And a regular coffee is cream and sugar. Dunkin’ Donuts used to sell their smallest coffee in a 3oz espresso “to go” cup which everyone I knew referred to as a “pigeon sip.”
January 25, 2008 at 9:39 am
tonic… i don’t know, i was from northeast mass, but we still called it soda. and the ‘bang a left’ is just the first person, because if you don’t let him go no one is ever going to turn left because new england apparently hasn’t learned about the street light with the left green arrow.
January 25, 2008 at 9:54 am
Yeah, you are right. Some of these sayings and “rules” are more from my mom’s generation although “Tonic” was still part of my upbringing in Swampscott, MA (12 miles north of Boston on the coast). Soda was club soda.
When I moved to Oakland from Boston 10 years ago, I always talked about how Boston/New England was this strange and wonderful land. Then I went back to visit after a few years and I noticed that a number of trends I had associated with the west coast were alive and active in New England.
My long view after traveling coast to coast a number of times is that the whole US culture is getting more homogenized and unique localisms like these are fading. It’s too bad but it is happening all over the world with mass media. At least we have films like “The Departed” and Gone Baby Gone” to remind us that New England is still “wicked pissah”.